I was browsing my favorite grammar news sites this morning, when I came across a breaking story that made me quiver with happiness. As anyone who has ever had to learn English knows, it’s not exactly the most compact or logical of tongues. My heart goes out to anyone trying to pick it up as a second (or third, or fourth) language. Seriously. I mean, what’s up with some of our spellings? They’re all over the map! Which brings me to today’s news…

It seems that the Royal Society for Linguistics, Britain’s language-governing body, has been holding an open symposium for the past week. High on the agenda was the addressing of several of the more glaring incongruities of the Queen’s English. According to the Lord High Chamberlain, even as stolid a bulwark of the language as the Royal Society could no longer turn a blind eye to the suffering of English speakers the world over. The firestorm of the week centered on the consistent spelling but wildly different pronunciations of “ough” words. They opened the floor to suggestions from the various international delegations in attendance, and came up with the following streamlining:

• The word through will heretofore be spelled “thru”, much to the delight of advertisers everywhere, who’ve been using this spelling for ages.
• Tough becomes “tuff”, a spelling that sounds right, and looks like it means business.
• That slough behind your house? You may now spell it “sloo” without fear of repercussion.
• Trees no longer have boughs, but now sprout “baus” (The Germans proposed that one, they were quick to point out)
• Enough becomes “Eneff”. When it was pointed out that that’s not how Americans pronounce it, the Australians responded tuff.
• Bowing to insistence from the North Carolina contingent, cough will now be spelled “cawf”.
• Curiously, though will retain its original spelling. No one was quite sure what happened there.

The message here? Relax, ye sticklers! What prickles the hair the on backs of your hands today will be tomorrow’s perfect spelling. Cya l8r. LOL.